Ah…two years…such a long hiatus from absurd Caribbean adventures. You know, the ones you can only truly experience when you willingly put yourself on a tropical rock for more than just a holiday.

Although I traded a warm rock for a cold one, the absurdity continued. Which surprised me, since I expected this “new” (soon to be old…) rock to be a bit more, uh, civilized. You know, being British and in the English Channel and all.

Some things were more dignified (you only had to go to one office – which was always open and ready to serve just like their opening hours promised) to get anything official done. But then there were other bizarro, unique-to-this-rock concepts that, quite simply, blew my mind.

Like the local obsession with vehicle number plates. The lower the number, the more prestigious. (To some anyway. I think it’s absurd.) And the more expensive, too. Some people are willing to pay tens of thousands of pounds for three or four digit plates. Tens of thousands of pounds. (A standard issue plate costs less than £100.) Let that sink in for a moment.

And therein lies my issue with this place. Besides the climate (which is abysmal), too many people here are just too damn preoccupied with one-upping everyone else. And since this place is an offshore tax haven, it tends to attract people with, well…money. And too much money coupled with a seemingly insatiable need to be top dog leads to nonsensical scenarios. Like the license plate thing.

The bottom line is that my non-material girl self just doesn’t fit in. I don’t want to keep dodging Aston Martins or Maseratis when I’m out for a run. I don’t want to have to make dinner reservations two weeks in advance to eat at a mediocre restaurant. And I most definitely do NOT want to spend another birthday in this climate. While last year’s birthday trip to Paris was quite posh, I’d rather spend my special day on my favorite beach with my favorite peeps.

Which is why…drumroll please…I’m so excited to share with you that I’m reclaiming my Island Girl title in just a few short months! So long to efficiency and Amazon UK home delivery. Farewell to fast flights to London and ferry rides to France. Arrivederci to pale skin and pound sterling.

I’m going back to my most favorite island in the whole, wide world. Where the currency is US dollars and the queen is a foreigner, just like me.

Caribbean adventures start again soon. Stay tuned.

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